don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
