bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Randomize