I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
