very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I need mimosas to revive my soul
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
