apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
