Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
