im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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