How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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