Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
