she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
