Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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