if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
