worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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