hell yes lets make some ravioli
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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