no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
