Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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