forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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