Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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