He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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