I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
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