Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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