I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
