If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
