i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
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