I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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