When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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