So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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