chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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