Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
