And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
