I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
