oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
