It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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