I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
