It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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