Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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