Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
