I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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