Got a toothbrush?
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
So vagazzling was a success
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