So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Randomize
