He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
