All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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