Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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