dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
