Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
