We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
