oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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