i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
