you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
