Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
